I thought for my first post I'd explain the whole reason for naming my blog Beautiful Disaster. You'll learn very quickly that music is a HUGE part of my life. I have quite the extensive music collection: The Temptations to *N Sync, Jay Z to Jack Johnson, and quite literally everything in between. New and old, fast and slow, hard and mellow. My latest musical obsession is the whole singer/songwriter genre that's become popular as of late: Jason Mraz, John Mayer, and Matt Nathanson to name a few. I stumbled upon Jon McLaughlin a few years back, and just recently while I was at Coffee Bean, heard this song playing. I was reminded of how beautiful and honest it is. The words completely speak to me:
She loves her momma's lemonade
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her
And every magazine tells her she's not good enough
The pictures that she sees makes her cry
She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She's giving boys what they want
Tries to act so nonchalant
Afraid to see that she's lost her direction
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection
She's not a drama queen
She doesn't wanna feel this way
Only 17 and tired, yeah
She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She's just the way she is
But no one's told her that's OK
She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She just needs someone to take her home
Although the girl being referred to in the song is 17, I find that even at 23 I still feel like a bit of a disaster. Like her, I feel as if I'm not good enough for myself let alone someone else. Confused about how to act -- should I be myself? It doesn't seem to be good enough. Maybe changing everything would give me that "happy ever after" that every girl dreams of? The insecurity I possess leads me to believe often times that the world is out to get me; that no one is looking out for me.
These thoughts and feelings I have may come as a shock to most people because I seem so confident and put together from the outside, but life continues to challenge me and leave me asking "why." I used to think that by this age I'd have all the answers. Life was supposed to be simple and perfect, but things don't always work out the way we plan. I've come to realize that although it can be disastrous, it's still beautiful -- a beautiful disaster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q39XH3D0R9o <--- here's a link to the music video
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